bonnie_rocks: (Default)
Jeph Jacques is a crazy mofo, and I love it!

The following were ALL written by Jeph Jacques between the hours of approximately 2am & 4am. Enjoy!!

  • Marten traced a lazy circle with his index finger around where Gordon's nipple would be, were it not for the body armor.
  • Gordon dropped his crowbar and slowly, tentatively ran his hand up Marten's inner thigh.
  • Seventeen minutes later, awkwardly dressing themselves, Marten and Gordon agreed never to speak of this evening to another living soul.
  • SUDDENLY: HEADCRABS AND THEN, SUDDENLY: ROMANCE????????
  • "But I've never k-k-k-kissed an AI before," Hannelore stammered. "THERE WILL BE DELICIOUS CAKE AFTERWARDS," GLaDOS said.
  • Marigold could still taste his flesh, could still remember the horrible gobbling sucking noise he made as he died.
  • tearing strips of cheek and underlying muscle from his face as he screamed and blubbered and screamed
  • The trouble with eating someone else's face, Marigold reflected, was that so many of the stringy bits got caught between your teeth.
  • To say nothing of the shocked faces: the horrified Medic, the awed Engineer, the creepily fervid Sniper, as they witnessed your carnage
  • Tearing the final strip of cheekmeat from the gibbering skull, then driving her fist in, working her fingers into the eyesockets
  • Crushing, twisting, the orgasmic snap of optical nerves and the green-stick crunch of collapsing cartilage
  • Rend the flesh, rub it over your face, shriek your warcry and loose your gore-soaked bosoms to the night, you harpy, you sibyl, you Marigold
  • ...wake up, realize it was a dream and you've got to pee, stumble into the bathroom hoping Angus doesn't see you without a bra on
  • Anal Rape #rappersthatmightbehomeless
  • The satisfying gurgle of another dying prostitute #thingsimiss
  • #noonelikesyoubecause you keep fuckin' all those dogs, man
  • you furiously thrusting the baton up my ass, tearing agony mixed with shocked pleasure as you bludgeon my prostate from within #thingsimiss
  • it is 3:12AM and I own twitter, for the moment.
  • "Yeah, I guess I'd fuck an otter," Machiavelli said to Stalin. "I mean, not, like my A-game fuckin', but I'd still tear her shit up."
  • Christopher Walken attempting to somberly explain why your mother is dead and why he was caught fucking her fatal stab wound #SpikeJonze
  • Rivers Cuomo cutting off a Japanese prostitute's head with a length of piano wire, looped forever #manlegs
  • paying for the Japanese prostitute that your new buddy Rivers Cuomo just beheaded in the back of the rented limo #hallmarkmoments
  • MC HAMMER BOAT REFINANCING 2009 VOL. 1: HOW TO REFINANCE YOUR BOAT (2 LEGIT 2 QUITT)
  • "I JUST WANTED TO LOVE MY SON!" Gendo sobbed into Marigold's arms. "It's not too late," she said. "Just get into this giant penguin mecha."
  • "See you...next time, cowboy..." Spike gasped. "See you tomorrow...in the ER...and you've got LUPUS," Marigold said #cowboybebopVhouse
  • Fart-chan looked Chiyo's dad right in the eye and said "there's no way I'll prolapse first." #goodnight #thankyou #tipyourwaitress #dongs
  • my wife just literally yelled at me to "stop being weird on the internet" so I guess I'm done
  • PS: imagine a cock writhing around in your mouth, just frantically straining for freedom and/or orgasm. Really think about this.
  • MarigoldxYolandi #zefside #dieantwoordcontent

    No one else Tweeted anything during this time.

    ~*::Meow::*~
  • bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    For some reason or another, I ended up on a website with Yiddish words and phrases. Oh, I remember why: because mom said something in Yiddish that I never heard of, so I wanted to look it up! (No luck finding it though!!) Anyway, so Mom was reading it with me and then we came across this gem:

    Fortzn zoffer - A really nasty, malodorous fart which leaves a miasma of methane that could knock a buzzard off a dung heap!!

    It took me a while to catch my breath (same with mom) because we were laughing so hard the tears were coming down! She told me to write it down so that she can use it at work!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love my mom.

    Serious LULZ all around!! So then she told me that her grandkids are going to have fun with Grandma. She'll teach them the really good Yiddish phrases!! :-D

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    [livejournal.com profile] auntiesiannan made my LJ into a Paid one :)

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

    Thank you dearie :) ::huggles::

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    Ok...so I had to switch over to S2 for any color settings to actually stay put. Thank you [livejournal.com profile] alorarose for all your help.

    And now for the other dillemma. My Friend Page looks *exactly* like my journal page. DO NOT WANT! I want it to look like it did before this whole thing happened.

    Here is an MSPaint Representation of what I want my Friends Page to look like:

    Cut for size )
    So...anyone know how to make that happen?

    ~*::Meow::*~

    HALP!

    Aug. 12th, 2010 10:23 am
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    For about a week now, my LJ has not been displaying correctly. I no longer have my black background, but when I went to change that, none of the changes took effect.

    I never upgraded from S1 to S2, and in trying to figure out everything...S2 is really confusing me. I want my LJ to display as it always has, but there's all these things and confusion and GAH!

    Can somebody please help me??

    Thanks.

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    I got the most AWESOME piece of junk mail today: I have been personally invited by Donald Trump to participate in a pagaent for the chance to be in the Miss USA pagaent.

    Wait what?! Reading further... In order to be eligible I'd have to be between the age of 14 and 26. Awwwwww poopie! I'm too old.

    If I were a year younger, I'd totally do it for the Lulz!

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    Filthy, stinkin' RICH!!!

    The house was called the other day by Arbitron and I answered a few questions over the phone. They're like a Neilson Ratings group.

    So, today, in the mail, I received a thank you gift of...

    ::drum roll::

    TWO DOLLARS!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    And it came as actual money, not as a gift card or a check or a money order....just as two singles!!!

    I'M RICH!!! I'M WEALTHY!!!!!



    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    This has been the week of looking back to the beginning of all of my journals and other things I still have access to from over the years (including my LOL inbox from OKCupid). Holy shit! A lot of the entries I wrote back then are almost too painful to read! Was I really that awkward?! Jeebus. And dear G-d the messages I sent to potential suitors. Wow. I'm actually really embarrassed that I wrote that way. ::shudder:: What the fuck was wrong with me?!

    I'm actually kinda glad that I can no longer access my Mydeardiary account because the website exploded. My Deadjournal is all but defunkt. It still exists, and I still link to it in my profile here, but thankfully, at the end of my run there, I was no longer writing like some awkward little shit. The awkward transitioned into a period of why in the hell did I keep writing teh, on purpose. Really?! And then finally there came a point my Deadjournal didn't make me want to punch myself repeatedly while reading back entries. Unfortunately, at the same time, I was reminded of horrible things that happened to me over the years. ::sigh:: Bad memories :(

    ~*::Meow::*~

    LEMUR!!!

    Jun. 10th, 2010 10:12 pm
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    Squeeeeeeeeee!! [livejournal.com profile] alorarose just sent me a virtual Lemur on here.

    I have named it Johnny. Isn't he cute? :)

    And if you are wondering why Johnny, it's because The Boogie Knights are super awesome and have a song called "Madagascar" in which they sing about Lemurs... Johnny Lemurs :-D I want to petition to have them back at I-CON!!

    D'oh! Embedding was disabled, however, here is a link to a performance of the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEjEuIfm_IQ

    Lyrics behind cut )

    ~*::Meow::*~

    :-D

    May. 18th, 2010 08:58 pm
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    [livejournal.com profile] kradical is awesome, and really fun to hang out with.

    Just thought I'd let you guys know that :-D

    ~*::Meow::*~

    Angry Man

    Mar. 2nd, 2010 09:41 pm
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    LOL! So, this guy keeps randomly popping up in the ad space on weather.com, so I decided to shrink it and make you guys an icon. Feel free to use it, but please credit me. Thanks!!




    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    Today, we had to move our clocks 1 hour ahead. I *hate* Spring Ahead. I'm not anywhere near the point of tired yet. Also? This whole 23 hour day thing can really fuck with you if you think about it. Don't worry though, in the Fall, we'll have a 25 hour day to make up for it.

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    You're welcome.

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Elvish)
    New icon made by the awesome [livejournal.com profile] tiggerallyn :-D

    ~*::Meow::*~
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    I'd like to welcome a very awesome new person to my LJ. Everyone say hello to [livejournal.com profile] chavah :-D

    ~*::Meow::*~

    ...

    Apr. 14th, 2006 11:49 am
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    That was emotionally draining...

    ~*::Meow::*~

    A Riddle...

    Aug. 7th, 2005 02:03 am
    bonnie_rocks: (Default)
    The Music Stopped. The Lady Died. How'd the lady die?? Your only hint is... The lady was blind. (Lynne, you are not allowed to answer...sowwie) :-P

    ~*::Meow::*~

    PS: To those of you who still haven't friended my syndication [livejournal.com profile] blondoid you really should add it as I update that a bit more often, being as that syndicates from my Deadjournal :)

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