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Meant to post this last night..
Oct. 8th, 2006 04:59 pmSo, last night marked 1 year since I lost my dignity. Over the next few months after that had happened, a lot of things did a downward spiral in my life. Relationships changed. Friendships changed. But most of all, my outlook on everything changed.
Trust never came easy with me. Those who have known me for years know this, even if you never realized. But, ever since that night, it's become even harder for me to trust people. For some, it's been easier than others. For this, I am sorry.
Next comes comfort. My comfort level has changed drastically. I don't really feel comfortable being in a room alone with someone if I have a feeling that something is going to happen, whether they intended on it to happen or not. My stomach drops at the thought of history repeating itself. Hell, because of what happened to me, there are even times that I don't feel comfortable with Gushi, due to the nature of some of the things we do.
Lastly, I'm not a puppet anymore. I do things for myself moreso now than I ever have before. It's true that I still put everyone ahead of me before I put myself. But, now I know that I can put myself on a higher rung. I'm not to be taken advantage of. I won't let that happen.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who were there for me after October 7th, 2005 happened. A lot of you were there for me. Mikya, Danielle, Sam, Onion, Grundig, Neils, Alpha, Cleveland, Matt, Barbara, Bobby...the list goes on. Thank you. Unfortunately, a lot of those there for me no longer talk to me and couldn't give two shits if I died tomorrow. You know all who you are.
Special message for Mikya: You helped me get through this the most just for being there for me to hug and cry on. It was a very traumatic time in my life and you came to the rescue. If not for you, I, in all honesty, don't know where I would be today. You helped me get control of my life again. And for that I must thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ::Huggles::
~*::Meow::*~
Trust never came easy with me. Those who have known me for years know this, even if you never realized. But, ever since that night, it's become even harder for me to trust people. For some, it's been easier than others. For this, I am sorry.
Next comes comfort. My comfort level has changed drastically. I don't really feel comfortable being in a room alone with someone if I have a feeling that something is going to happen, whether they intended on it to happen or not. My stomach drops at the thought of history repeating itself. Hell, because of what happened to me, there are even times that I don't feel comfortable with Gushi, due to the nature of some of the things we do.
Lastly, I'm not a puppet anymore. I do things for myself moreso now than I ever have before. It's true that I still put everyone ahead of me before I put myself. But, now I know that I can put myself on a higher rung. I'm not to be taken advantage of. I won't let that happen.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who were there for me after October 7th, 2005 happened. A lot of you were there for me. Mikya, Danielle, Sam, Onion, Grundig, Neils, Alpha, Cleveland, Matt, Barbara, Bobby...the list goes on. Thank you. Unfortunately, a lot of those there for me no longer talk to me and couldn't give two shits if I died tomorrow. You know all who you are.
Special message for Mikya: You helped me get through this the most just for being there for me to hug and cry on. It was a very traumatic time in my life and you came to the rescue. If not for you, I, in all honesty, don't know where I would be today. You helped me get control of my life again. And for that I must thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ::Huggles::
~*::Meow::*~
